


Falling Stars

by amaxingbaek



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Lu Han, Mentions of Yifan, Mentions of Zitao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5890477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaxingbaek/pseuds/amaxingbaek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all fall, we all break, we all fail, but what’s important is that someone is always there to catch us when we do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Stars

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Falling Stars  
>  **Pairing(s):** Yixing/Everyone  
>  **Rating:** PG-13  
>  **Word count:** ~7.9k  
>  **Warning(s):** post-lawsuits (i.e. OT9) but there are mentions of Yifan, Luhan, and Zitao, angst (hurt/comfort)  
>  **Author’s Note:** This was _supposed_ to be somewhat a continuation of the Baekhyun cuddle fic I wrote, but then it kind of got off track halfway through and became a Yixing comfort fic. There’s still cuddling, just not as much as I initially intended. Also, when Baekhyun tells Yixing the, “Hyung, you must be really tired recently...” bit, that's in reference to a story that Yixing told on 150519 from the Idol Hug Event. I tweaked it slightly, but credit for the translation still goes to polarlatte.

Yixing’s eyes still burn hours later. It had been bad enough that he had cried in front of his fans – his fans that he wanted to love, that he wanted to ensure, that he wanted to protect – and yet now he’s still thinking about it hours later, a bitter reminder of how he’s just not _good_ enough. He had promised that he wouldn’t cry in front of his precious fans again but he lied. How is it that he’s able to help produce a song about all of the promises that he – that _they_ \- wanted to make and all of the things they wanted to say, but couldn’t follow through?

No one had said anything in the car ride back to the dorms and that had made Yixing even sadder. It’s the first time he’s seen them the whole week and yet he managed to ruin the happy times they were supposed to be spending together.

Yixing trudges through the door with a sigh, eyes downcast as he watches the way Jongin’s feet barely lift off from the ground as he shuffles forward. Yixing’s usually exhausted after a showcase, but this time it’s emotional rather than physical and he doesn’t know which is worse. At least physical pain is easy to take away with the soothing heat of a hot pack.

“I call shower first!” Sehun exclaims, speeding off before any of them can say anything.

Minseok mutters something under his breath before flopping down on the nearest chair, almost falling over from how tired he is. Even from here, it’s easy to tell that Minseok’s almost at the end of his rope. Yixing wonders how much he’s missed in all the time that he’s been away, his mind flitting back to the question segment of the showcase and how he hadn’t gotten that many right. Just one more thing that he’s lacking in.

He slumps onto the couch, closing his eyes as the deep-sated need to _sleep_ overwhelms him. It feels nice to be able to just sit and not worry about having to go to a schedule later. It might almost be midnight and he still needs to shower, but for now, nothing but sleeping matters.

It’s almost unexpected, the tentative touch to his shoulder. Blinking slowly, Yixing makes out Joonmyun’s face through the blurry film covering his eyes.

“Hyung?” he questions.

Joonmyun’s eyes search his, flitting from his face to his arms to his legs and finally back on Yixing’s eyes. It’s such a normal Joonmyun thing to do that Yixing doesn’t think anything of it until Joonmyun’s sitting next to him and gently bringing Yixing’s head down onto his shoulder. It’s mildly uncomfortable with the way he has to contort his body to accommodate the new position, but Yixing’s too tired to mind and it’s been days since he’s had any physical contact with any of them. Until this moment, he never knew how much he needed to be around his members, his brothers, and it’s like something in him breaks, drops of liquid falling from his eyes for the second time that day.

Joonmyun whispers encouraging words in his ear, a hand running up and down Yixing’s back, stopping occasionally to massage a particularly stiff spot. It’s not something that Yixing thought he needed, but it’s perfect and _exactly_ what he needed. Joonmyun doesn’t ask and that’s probably the best thing about going to Joonmyun with problems. He’ll bend, he’ll mold into whatever you need him to be, a quiet, yet powerful presence that always serves to calm Yixing down.

Yixing’s neck is starting to cramp, but at least he’s all out of tears now. With a sniffle, Yixing peers up at Joonmyun, silently asking, giving Joonmyun a soft smile when he receives a nod. It’s natural to be in Joonmyun’s embrace because even though he may be the taller of the two, most times when they cuddle or hug, it’s always Joonmyun that easily slips into the big spoon role. Of course, there are times where Joonmyun breaks himself, but Yixing knows that Joonmyun goes to Baekhyun for those moments. Baekhyun has always been the best with words out of all of them.

“I saw your magazine spread the other day,” Joonmyun mentions as he rubs little circles into Yixing’s lower back.

Yixing tries to respond, but he’s so tired, all that comes out is a hum. Joonmyun laughs. “The spread you were just in, _Cosmopolitan._ Looks like you need to start working on your abs again.”

“Hyung,” Yixing whines. “It’s weird enough that you were staring at my tummy, don’t make it weird now.”

“I’m not making it weird,” Joonmyun says with a slightly affronted tone of voice. Yixing knows he’s joking, just trying to get Yixing’s mind off of the day and it’s working. They talk and they talk, surrounded in their little bubble regardless of who walks in and out of the room.

☆彡

Yixing does most of his thinking in the shower. Sometimes it’s nothing important, just mindless chatter in his head as a way to wind him down from the stress that’s pilled up on him throughout the day, and other times he thinks about lyrics, about chords, about dances until he eventually gets tired and drifts into calming thoughts.

Today is neither. Instead, today his head is full of self-doubt with just a hint of loathing. He doesn’t even focus on taking a shower, but it doesn’t matter because he’s the last one in there today, Yixing content to let everyone else go before him because he instinctively knew that it would come to this point.

Yixing just wishes there was something he could do, something so that he wouldn’t let his members down so much. His mind is drawing a blank, too exhausted from schedule after schedule to be thinking much more than “sleep” at the moment. He gets an idea suddenly, brightening up at the thought. He’ll just go to Yifan, his leader, after his shower. He’ll be able to talk to Yifan about his worries and everything will be fine because Yifan always knows what to say no matter how tired he is or how obscure the problem.

Except everything crashes down on Yixing when he realize that Yifan is gone, had walked out the door before any of them had even known what was going on, the only clue being an empty bed when they woke up the next morning.

Yixing cries for the third time that day.

☆彡

It takes twenty more minutes for Yixing to pull himself together and go through the motions that resemble an actual, proper shower. The only good thing about the situation right now is that no one else should be awake, so no one will be able to see how much more red and puffy his eyes are than usual.

Yixing almost screams when he opens the door to his room and finds Chanyeol sitting on his bed, barely holding the sound in so he doesn’t wake the others. His heart’s pounding like it’s running a marathon and Chanyeol smiles slightly in apology. Yixing isn’t used to seeing such a small smile. Chanyeol’s smiles are always large, too big for his face, and Yixing loves them, but this...this is barely a twitch of the lips in comparison.

“Hi,” Yixing whispers once he’s gotten his breathing back under control. Chanyeol’s smile grows wider but it’s still not his usual Chanyeol-smile. Yixing figures that this is good enough.

“Come sit with me,” Chanyeol says, patting the spot next to him like it’s his bed instead of Yixing’s.

It’s not unusual for Chanyeol to be up past two in the morning, but it _is_ unusual that he’s with Yixing, even before Yixing got busy with all of his schedules in China. Chanyeol would always play around and yell with Sehun or Baekhyun, their voices bouncing off the walls at ungodly hours until someone actively went into their room and shut them up.

Chanyeol isn’t the most touchy member – that award goes to Baekhyun – but he definitely doesn’t keep to himself like Kyungsoo does either. Yixing isn’t going to kid himself and think that he and Chanyeol are the closest members in the group, but none of them are strangers by any means. It’s different seeing Chanyeol in his room, but not a bad different.

The bed dips under Yixing’s weight when he sits down, some residual water from his shower dripping down his temple and landing on his collarbones. Chanyeol thumbs the drop away absently. Yixing doesn’t even flinch.

“Thanks,” Yixing mumbles.

“No problem.”

If there’s one thing that’s weirder than Chanyeol sitting on his bed, waiting for Yixing to shower, it’s Chanyeol _quietly_ sitting on Yixing’s bed, waiting for Yixing to shower. Chanyeol’s only ever quiet when there are too many things trying to occupy his thoughts and judging by the way his eyebrows are furrowed, Yixing assumes that’s what’s happening right now.

“Are you okay?” Yixing can’t help but ask. Despite how tired he is, he’ll never be too tired that he doesn’t want to help his members. Anything to relieve their stress, Yixing will do it.

Chanyeol looks startled, large eyes growing rounder when he takes in Yixing’s words. And then he’s laughing, almost like a bark with how short and loud it is.

“I was supposed to be the one comforting you, but here you are asking me if I’m okay. I’m already off to a bad start.”

“Comforting...” Yixing doesn’t finish his question, instead going quiet with a soft hum of understanding. He’s made Chanyeol worry now and that leaves a lump in his chest that he can’t get rid of no matter how many breaths he takes. “You don’t have to, it’s okay. I’m okay now.”

Chanyeol looks at him - _really_ looks at him – and Yixing can practically see his reflection in Chanyeol’s irises. Chanyeol’s never held back his emotions, so easy to read through his eyes, and right now they’re sad. From his own sadness or a reflection of Yixing’s sadness, Yixing doesn’t know.

“It’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to pretend with us.”

Yixing’s first instinct is to deny it, that he’s not pretending. But when there’s a constant pressure in his chest that’s been there since he cried on stage, when there’s a tiredness in his bones that wasn’t there years prior, when there’s just a reflection staring back at him in the mirror without a trace of life some mornings, is he really okay?

Neither of them say anything, Yixing looking down at the ground because he can’t stand to see whatever emotion is in Chanyeol’s eyes now. It’s probably pity and that’s the last thing he wants to see in Chanyeol’s eyes, which are usually so bright and lively.

Chanyeol shifts, a hand reaching up and cupping Yixing’s bicep. It’s like their little code, a small smile twitching Yixing’s lips up because no matter how long he’s gone, he’ll always have this with Chanyeol.

For his big personality on camera and on stage, Chanyeol loves being held. Yixing knows that Chanyeol can be the big or the little spoon, but the most important thing for Chanyeol is that he makes others as comfortable as he possibly can. He helps Yixing not by coddling him, but by melting into Yixing’s touch, curling his body up to fit in Yixing’s smaller hold. It’s just what Yixing needs in this moment, head clearing, and limbs relaxing at the familiar feeling of Chanyeol’s body next to his.

☆彡

Kyungsoo isn’t a physical member by any means. They’re almost on completely opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to physical affection. Whereas Yixing always shows how happy or how thankful he is with smiles, nuzzles, or tiny kisses, Kyungsoo shows it in smaller ways. He helps without being asked and before you know you need help yourself, always the first to offer to help clean up or put away laundry, always the one to shake one of them awake if they’ve fallen asleep, always the one to be a constant presence even if they don’t really notice all of the time.

It’s clear that with all of his extra schedules, Kyungsoo’s exhausted. They all are, but there’s a special kind of exhaustion in Kyungsoo that Yixing notices right away. Yixing’s sure that something similar is shown in his eyes and the only acknowledgment Kyungsoo gives him is a soft, somewhat knowing, smile when Yixing had arrived at the hotel two days prior.

Yixing’s currently lounging on the couch, his minuscule amount of clothes packed as he waits for their ride to arrive to take them to the airport. Yixing had barely gotten any sleep despite almost passing right out once they came back from MAMA.

Kyungsoo shuffles by just as Yixing’s changing games on his phone, offering Yixing one of his small smiles. They’ve always been one of the first few to wake up even though they don’t have to be, waking up fifteen or twenty minutes earlier than required.

“Morning hyung,” Kyungsoo greets as he sits down a cushion away from Yixing. He abandons his phone in favor of turning his full attention towards Kyungsoo.

“Morning,” Yixing responds. “How have you been?”

It’s almost comical that he has to ask his own group member how they’ve been, but Yixing’s chosen this path and he will continue to walk down it.

Yixing hasn’t heard Kyungsoo’s laugh in so long that it almost sounds foreign to him, but it’s still as warm as he remembers. Yixing has always loved Kyungsoo’s laugh, the rich sound ringing in his ears and surrounding him in warmth in a way that no hug can.

“Probably just as well as you.”

Yixing smiles because that’s fair and he’s suspected as much already. “We really make an interesting pair, don’t we? Do you think if we combine the amount of hours of sleep we’ve gotten this past week, it will amount to something in the double digits?”

It’s meant to be a joke, but once the words are out, he realizes how sad it is that it might not actually be true. Kyungsoo rarely, if ever, responds to messages in the group chat, much like Yixing in that he checks in every so often when he needs a pick-me-up that only they can give him. Yixing has no idea how Kyungsoo has been, but if there’s one thing he’s certain of, it’s that neither of them get enough sleep for all of the schedules they’re forced to go to.

This time, Kyungsoo’s smile is thin. “Maybe if we lie to ourselves, it can be.”

Yixing can’t help the way his body slumps down, like it’s just truly realizing how tired it is. Yixing can’t even hope to sleep on the plane, the flight not quite long enough to let him take a power nap and not quite short enough to stop his thoughts from going into overdrive.

“Do you need a hug, hyung?”

Slowly, Yixing blinks over at Kyungsoo, whose head is tilted slightly. He doesn’t seem like he regrets asking the question, and Yixing never passes up on a hug, so he smiles and nods.

“I would like that, but I’m too lazy to stand up right now.”

Kyungsoo laughs, the loudest and most earnest laugh that Yixing has heard in a long, long time. It causes warmth to settle in his chest and Yixing can only hope that it will stay for the next few hours at the very least.

Yixing can only watch as Kyungsoo scoots closer and threads their fingers together, leaning his head on Yixing’s shoulder.

“Better?” Kyungsoo asks, a hint of a smile in his words.

Yixing doesn’t know where this sudden bout of affection came from, but he supposes that, even if Kyungsoo doesn’t show it as much as the others, he’s still missed Yixing as much as Yixing’s missed him. Kyungsoo is still somewhat of a wild card to Yixing, but Yixing thinks he’s starting to figure Kyungsoo out, just a little.

Smiling, Yixing settles down more while he can, knowing that everyone else is going to start waking up soon and they’re going to have to leave before he knows it.

“Better.”

☆彡

It’s not until weeks later that Yixing finds himself back in Korea and in the dorm that used to be such a constant, but now is almost like a grain of sand in his mind.

Baekhyun practically jumps him right as he shuffles through the door, arms wrapping around Yixing’s neck and lips pressing soft and sweet against Yixing’s cheek.

“Hi Baekhyun,” Yixing murmurs, hands instinctively coming up to rest on Baekhyun’s hips so they don’t go toppling over. Yixing’s barely holding himself up, so the extra support is definitely needed.

Baekhyun doesn’t respond, simply makes it his mission to become as much of a human barnacle slash kitten as he possibly can, not even letting Yixing go as he stumbles his way towards his bed, greeting the other members along the way.

When he wakes up again, Baekhyun’s nowhere to be found, but that doesn’t surprise Yixing. Baekhyun has never been one to sleep longer than him when they nap together.

After stumbling into consciousness and barely avoiding crashing into the wall on his way towards the living room, he gets attacked by another weight that he almost immediately recognizes as Jongdae. Yixing would be able to know Jongdae’s hugs even if he had a blindfold on.

“Hyung,” Jongdae says, his arms wrapping around Yixing more and more, but not to the point that Yixing becomes uncomfortable. His hair tickles Yixing’s jaw and he laughs gently as he circles his arms around Jongdae’s neck, cheek settling into its usual position on top of Jongdae’s head.

Jongdae only clings more, a soft sigh escaping when he gets as close as he possibly can.

Like he’s afraid that Yixing’s going to disappear again if he doesn’t hold on tight enough.

☆彡

Yixing’s mind is swimming with all of the things he needs to do, all of the lines he needs to memorize, all of the schedules he has to attend over the next few days. There’s a movie tour stop, there’s another magazine shoot, he thinks he heard one of the managers muttering about another variety show, and then there’s also that other press conference he has to go to, not to mention the lines he needs to rememorize for their comeback stage and-

Yixing almost jumps when someone gently places their hand against his bicep. Jongin jumps with him, not having expected such a reaction.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispers, but Yixing’s shaking his head with a soft _It’s okay_ before Jongin even finishes apologizing.

Jongin bites his lip, Yixing automatically chastising him for it. This habit of Jongin’s never seems to go away even with all of the countless times he’s told Jongin not to leave a mark on his lips.

Jongin smiles, teeth unclamping to reveal a pretty white smile instead. “I miss you scolding me.”

And Yixing’s yet again hit with the fact that he’s not around nearly as much as he used to be. It’s not Jongin’s fault, not at all, but it’s always like a icy shot to the chest whenever someone brings it up. He’s happy with what he’s doing in China, but he misses his brothers more than anything.

Jongin’s eyes drop again, teeth relocking back on his lip as he murmurs another apology.

Yixing sighs, but it’s more towards himself than Jongin. He could never get mad at Jongin for things like this. “It’s not your fault,” Yixing assures him, hooking his pinky with Jongin’s to further assure him. Jongin always feels most comfortable with soft touches or hugs, mostly as a reminder that someone’s _there_ , something that Yixing has learned over the years. Yixing doesn’t understand how, but Jongin can tell a lot of things from touches; Yixing can only hope that his right now is soft and understanding.

Slowly, the tension in Jongin’s shoulders evaporates and Jongin’s blinking at him in some kind of wonder that Yixing has _never_ understood no matter how many times Jongin tries to convince Yixing of how amazing he is.

“Do you want to dance?”

Yixing can’t help but laugh at such a random suggestion. Jongin’s smiling shyly, peeking up at Yixing through his lashes even if he’s the taller of the two.

“Sure, whatever you want, Jongin.” He’ll never be too tired to dance with Jongin and he could use an outlet to let out all of this pent up energy that’s been swirling inside him from the lack of dancing he’s been doing.

Jongin practically lights up, tugging Yixing towards a large room at the very back of their dorm. Their managers hadn’t been very happy when they found out what the room had been transformed into, but it was too late to change it back. Besides, at least this way they don’t have to drive them to the company if they wanted to practice. Baekhyun always says that they should be grateful; Joonmyun always stops him before he _actually_ tells the managers.

Once they cross the threshold, Jongin immediately gravitates towards the stereo system, thumb flicking as he looks through their song selection. Yixing takes the time to warm up, pleased at the little pops in his back as he bends and twists.

A familiar beat flows out of the speakers, Yixing smiling automatically as he’s brought back to their trainee days, to all of the long nights he spent learning dance after dance to showcase to the world.

Jongin slips into his other persona, a smirk titling his lips up as he asks, “Do you remember it, hyung?”

It’s a challenge, Yixing’s eyes taking on a glint as he lets the beat flow through him, eyes closing as he pictures all of the moves in his head. It’s been a while since they’ve danced this, but he feels like it was just last week when they were in the studio, sweat dripping down their faces and chests as they landed in the final pose, _finally_ perfecting the routine for the first time.

They fall into their roles easily, steps smooth at times and harder at others. Yixing hasn’t felt this free in weeks and it sends a thrill down his spine to be moving alongside Jongin, and a smile slips free when Jongin taps his wrist and then stutters for a few steps before falling back into the rhythm.

(Yixing can’t help but trip when he thinks about their version, the EXO-M version, and who raps in it. He recovers before Jongin notices.)

It’s only when they collapse against the mirrors, Yixing’s legs burning in the good kind of way that only appears after hours of dancing, that Yixing thinks about it again. His body may be exhausted, but his brain isn’t and no matter how much he tries, no matter how much he wants to be free of sad thoughts at the moment, they attack him like the plague.

Jongin flopping down and lying his head down in Yixing’s lap brings him out of his thoughts, a doting smile appearing on his face as he cards fingers through Jongin’s sweaty hair. Jongin lets out a sleepy hum, eyes closing and mouth curling up at the corners at the touch.

Yixing takes in the way Jongin’s chest rises and falls sharply, still not getting enough oxygen into his body and Yixing simply wants to _protect_.

He’s startled when he looks back towards Jongin’s face and finds Jongin staring straight at him. Jongin’s eyes crinkle up in that adorable boyish way that Yixing loves, nuzzling in Yixing’s thigh further.

“I miss Yifan hyung.”

It’s barely a whisper, but Yixing hears it, freezing in his ministrations. Jongin shifts around, but Yixing still doesn’t look down, too afraid of his reaction to what’s definitely a somber expression on Jongin’s face.

“I miss him, too,” Yixing manages to choke out.

Jongin stills, but only after hooking his pinky with Yixing’s.

_It’s okay, I’m here._

☆彡

Yixing wheezes, book almost slipping out of his fingers when a heavy weight settles in his lap and wiggles around.

“Hyung, hyung, hyung,” Sehun chants with a cheeky smile, acting like the human embodiment of a cat as he wiggles his way up under Yixing’s outstretched arms and lies on Yixing’s chest.

In hindsight, it’s a miracle that Sehun even waited this long to pounce.

“Sehun,” Yixing manages to wheeze out. Sehun’s not as light as he thinks he is and Yixing can feel his ribs and lungs already starting to protest both from the extra weight and the lack of oxygen.

He continues wiggling around like he’s not crushing Yixing. Knowing Sehun, he does it on purpose just because he can.

“Brat,” Yixing says. All Sehun does is send Yixing another cheeky smile, insistently pushing his head up against Yixing’s hand.

All Yixing can do is sigh and give in with a fond smile, putting his book on the coffee table so he doesn’t accidentally drop it on Sehun’s head. Sehun always gets his way; Yixing is never one to deny indulging him.

Yixing ruffles his hair, hand pausing mid-stroke when he thinks about all of the times he’s had Zitao in his arms just like this, except the words he would whisper would be in Mandarin instead of stilted Korean.

Sehun shifts and Yixing’s met with curious eyes that hold years worth of wisdom that shouldn’t be there. Sehun’s quiet, but he watches them all just as much as they watch over him. It’s always a little scary when Sehun tells them about things that they didn’t even notice themselves. More than once, Yixing has caught Sehun lightly scolding Jongin as he helps him to his room, or shaking his head as he prepares a cup of tea for Baekhyun. He may be the youngest, but there’s no doubt he knows more than Yixing does.

Sehun’s eyes search Yixing’s for what feels like an eternity and Yixing swears he doesn’t so much as blink, too caught up with how Sehun’s looking at him. Just like Jongin, Sehun seems so young to Yixing and all he wants to do is protect and cherish. Lately, though, Sehun seems to be the one doing the protecting. Yixing can’t help but marvel at how grown up Sehun has become, a soft smile hitching his lips up as he gazes down at Sehun.

Sehun replicates the smile easily, eyes curving up into their famous crescent shape. He doesn’t ask, simply smiles at Yixing like he would do anything for him. Yixing figures he probably would, just like he would for Sehun.

“You should go out and get some bubble tea with me next weekend,” Sehun suddenly says, his whole face lighting up at the change in subject. “I had a lot of fun last week when I convinced Kyungsoo hyung to go out with me. He’s been really tired lately, you know? I mean, we all have, but Kyungsoo hyung especially. And don’t tell him I told you this, but...”

Sehun rambles on and on about what he’s been doing this past week and Yixing listens, adding appropriate commentary when necessary. Sehun loves telling stories, but he loves even more when the person he’s talking to gets involved as well. He just likes to know that he’s being listened to, that his efforts to cheer the members up aren’t in vain. They all know that Sehun doesn’t do this because he honestly thinks they want to listen to his week (although Yixing does make sure to text him at least once a week to see what they’ve been up to) but more to serve as a distraction from whatever’s plaguing their mind. Yixing used to be the one to share stories, the both of them lying in bed as Yixing recounted memories from his hometown, Sehun’s eyes sparkling as he took it all in with rapt attention despite it usually being two or three in the morning. Yixing can’t help but wonder when everything shifted, when Sehun started taking care of them instead. But it’s not really like that – they all take care of each other, just in different ways. Things may have shifted slightly, but they’re still the same.

Sehun quiets down after three stories, Yixing managing to sneak in a story of his own, which sets Sehun off into another round of chatting that Yixing can’t help but chuckle at.

“I love you, hyung,” Sehun whispers after settling down, head pillowed on Yixing’s chest.

Yixing pulls him closer, tighter, because he doesn’t want to think about what will happen if he lets go.

“I love you, too.”

☆彡

“Can’t sleep?”

It’s telling how tired Yixing is that he barely even flinches at the groggy voice that rings out behind him.

“Minseok hyung,” Yixing greets slowly, not even needing to turn around to know who it is. There’s some shuffling and then Minseok’s leaning against the counter next to where Yixing’s watching the kettle on the stove.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Minseok teases, but it’s Yixing who’s laughing when Minseok has to stifle a yawn.

“I have enough water for two cups, if you want some tea.”

“That sounds nice.”

It isn’t too long until the kettle starts whistling, Yixing quickly taking it off the heat as to not wake anyone else up.

Minseok sighs as he sits, the cup near his lips as he blows on it. Yixing gingerly sits across from Minseok, careful to not scrape the chair across the floor or fall asleep into his drink. The only thing that had been keeping him awake was watching the kettle and now that he doesn’t have to do that, the sleepiness that’s been evading him seems to finally be catching Yixing in its clutches.

A foot nudges his under the table, Yixing jolting at the touch. It’s lucky that none of the tea spills on his hands, but he puts the cup down just in case.

“Sorry,” Minseok apologizes, but Yixing waves him off easily.

“No harm done.”

Sighing, Yixing scrubs at his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. “Sorry I’m being so rude, I’m just so,” Yixing pauses to yawn, “tired.”

They both chuckle at that, Minseok nudging his foot again. “You aren’t being rude, don’t worry. You know I don’t mind not talking much.”

“True, but I should at least be awake for our conversation,” Yixing says. Despite himself, his eyes start slipping shut again, head snapping up once he realizes what’s happening.

Minseok’s looking at him fondly, a tilt to one side of his lips as he drinks his tea. “It seems that your body’s trying to tell you something.”

Yixing makes a little noise of dissent. “I wasn’t tired until you came.”

Minseok raises an eyebrow. “So it’s my fault.”

“Yes,” Yixing answers, laughing when Minseok kicks him this time. It’s not a hard kick by any means, meant to be teasing more than painful, but Yixing pretends to clutch his shin anyways.

“So weird...”

Yixing gasps, offended. “I’m not.”

Minseok shrugs, as if to say _well you can’t convince me otherwise._ Yixing can only smile. This is the most fun he’s had in days and it’s almost four in the morning, his eyes feel incredibly dry, and he can barely stay awake, but there’s a warmth in his chest that hasn’t been present as much lately.

Yixing manages to stay awake long enough to drink his tea, chatting a little more with Minseok before he can’t drag it out any longer.

“Your tea is always the best,” Minseok says as he waits for Yixing to finish washing his cup.

“Just the right ratio of water to leaf,” Yixing jokes back. The words flow from his mouth in Mandarin before he even thinks about it, heart dropping because Lu Han used to say that exact same thing to him all the time. It had been so _natural_ to respond in his first language. Judging from the way that Minseok’s eyebrows are furrowed, he didn’t understand, Yixing repeating his answer in Korean before looking away, willing the sudden lump in his throat to go away.

“Yixing...” Minseok starts, carefully placing a hand on Yixing’s shoulder. He doesn’t finish his sentence, but even with sleep dragging Yixing’s brain down, he still knows what Minseok was going to say.

He simply shuffles out of the way to let Minseok wash his own cup, Minseok’s hand dropping to his side. Minseok sighs, washing in silence as Yixing tries to distract himself.

Fingers weave through his, and he’s being tugged along before he has a grasp of what’s happening, feet stumbling in his effort to catch up with Minseok.

“Hyung?”

Minseok never responds, only continues to gently pull Yixing along until he’s being pushed onto Minseok’s bed, Jongdae shifting about in his own bed yards away. They both hold their breath, but Jongdae settles back down. He’s always been a heavy sleeper.

Minseok almost _never_ cuddles anyone to sleep, so Yixing’s stiff when Minseok guides him down and crawls up onto the bed after.

“I’m not going to bite,” Minseok whispers, head popping up to check that Jongdae hadn’t moved.

“I don’t understand.”

Minseok looks at him, head tilted. “You’re the second most touchy person out of all of us. Surely you know what cuddling is like.”

“Of course I do,” Yixing replies. His eyebrows furrow. “I just don’t know why you’re offering.”

“Does there have to be a reason?”

Yixing wants to say yes, that Minseok always, _always_ has a reason for everything he does. But right now, it doesn’t matter, not with how tired Yixing is and how much he realizes that he’s really missed Minseok. They don’t hug or snuggle often, but Yixing’s never going to deny Minseok when he feels inclined, arms opening in invitation once Minseok settles down.

“Night.”

Yixing scoots closer, eyes slipping shut. “Night, hyung.”

☆彡

Travel days are always one of the most tiring. It doesn’t matter if they’re flying to China or to London, Yixing’s always left tired, a kind that runs bone-deep that no amount of sleep can help with. He’s no stranger to airports, especially not in the last year with how often he’s had to travel from China to Korea, but now that he’s finally getting back into group promotions, he can’t say that he missed the airport.

They’ve gone through the airport so many times that Yixing is positive he could do it in his sleep if he needed to. Jongin seems to have mastered just that, eyes slipped shut as he shuffles through the airport. He would worry, but he spots Joonmyun and Sehun hovering around Jongin, eyes darting over every few seconds to make sure he doesn’t crash into anything, and figures he’s already in good hands.

The clicking of camera shutters drowns into background noise as Yixing walks behind Chanyeol through the terminal, and he only breathes a sigh of relief once they’re safely in the van. He loves his fans, but he’s always a little bit cranky at airports. He’s normally able to overcome it, mood brightening when fans hand him letters, but today isn’t like that.

Jongdae paws at him with a bright smile right as he steps out of the van, and even though he’s wearing a mask, Yixing knows that Jongdae notices him smile back.

“Lets play a game once we get inside!” Jongdae chirps and not for the first time, Yixing wonders just _where_ Jongdae gets all of his energy from. He had once joked that Jongdae should share his energy source, but all Jongdae had done was laugh and bound off once Yixing made a grab for him, demanding to know how to find his fountain of energy.

It’s so easy to melt into Jongdae, who’s all comforting comments and tender touches. Yixing’s putty in his hands, lulled into agreeing by Jongdae’s brilliant smile.

Jongdae manages to get Joonmyun to join them, Yixing laughing as he watches Jongdae work his magic and lure Joonmyun in just as he had done to Yixing minutes prior.

“I learned this really cool game the other day,” Jongdae says after he plops down with a deck of cards in his hands.

“From who?” Yixing wonders. Learning card games from Jongdae is always an experience and Yixing’s positive that even if he was a native Korean speaker, he still wouldn’t understand much.

Jongdae looks a little sheepish as he starts shuffling. “Not who, but where. The Internet is full of interesting things.”

Joonmyun groans. “Why do you look card games up on the Internet?”

Jongdae stops shuffling long enough to give Joonmyun a look. “Would you rather have me look up something else?”

It’s amusing, the way Joonmyun faces heats up under Jongdae’s knowing stare. Yixing snickers to himself when Joonmyun coughs and motions for Jongdae to hurry up and explain.

The game actually isn’t that bad, far less convoluted than the ones Jongdae has tried to teach him in the past and Yixing finds himself completely immersed in the game, pouting when Joonmyun whoops and cheers when he wins.

Jongdae slides over to him, curling a hand around Yixing’s. “It’s okay, hyung. Sometimes things just don’t work out in your favor. The best thing to do is move on, but don’t forget because it might make you stronger in the future.”

Yixing has a very large feeling that Jongdae isn’t talking about cards much anymore. He’s so shocked that he doesn’t even bother putting up a fight when Jongdae pulls him up and drags him down the hallways and into his room, ignoring Joonmyun’s protesting that he has to clean up by himself.

It’s almost frightening how Jongdae can flip a switch in his emotions like he just did, going from playful to understanding in seconds, somehow finding the drop in Yixing’s mood in the few seconds he let his guard down. Luckily, Minseok’s in the kitchen at the moment, so Yixing doesn’t have to worry about being embarrassed when Jongdae pushes him onto his bed and Jongdae curls up next to him with a sweet smile.

And Yixing, Yixing can see the strain around his eyes and he wonders how many times Jongdae has needed someone to comfort him like he’s being comforted now and he wasn’t there to help. How many times has Jongdae felt like he was going to break and how many times has Yixing been off in another country doing something else?

Jongdae clings to him, wrapping arms and legs around Yixing’s shoulders and waist, fingers finding their way through Yixing’s hair in comforting strokes. And Yixing hates how well Jongdae knows him and his weaknesses but he also loves it, loves it so much that his body relaxes almost immediately, arms wrapping around Jongdae’s slim waist as naturally as breathing.

And then somewhere along the line, Jongdae starts singing softly, the Mandarin flowing from his lips more easily than it did the last time he sang it for Yixing. It’s one of Yixing’s favorite songs and it doesn’t take long before the tears he’s been repressing for weeks start to flow, sliding down his cheeks and landing on Jongdae’s shirt. Jongdae doesn’t mind, just keeps singing softly and carding fingers through Yixing’s hair and Yixing has never been more grateful, has never felt so protected and cared for.

Jongdae has this way about him that invites everyone in and Yixing strives to make people as comfortable around him as Jongdae makes everyone else. Jongdae is like a shining star, bright and beautiful and glowing and so warm that it’s hard to feel anything but relaxed around him.

“Are you sure you aren’t the older one here?” Yixing manages to ask once his tears and hiccups have stopped.

Jongdae laughs, a loud, happy laugh that Yixing wishes he could record and play when he’s feeling down. But why would he do that when he has the real thing, just a phone call or a yell away?

Yixing’s always known that he’s lucky to have Jongdae in his life.

☆彡

Out of all the members, Yixing is the the most thankful for Baekhyun. Yixing had heard what Baekhyun said at the showcase through the sobs he let out off stage, had cried even more because it wasn’t possible that Baekhyun knew him that well, yet it _is_. If there’s one member that he feels he can go to without any reservations, it’s Baekhyun. If there’s one member that he can lean on, it’s Baekhyun. If there’s one member that he can hold hands with and run around on stage, acting ten years younger than they are, it’s Baekhyun. If there’s one member that can make him feel at ease without a physical touch, it’s Baekhyun.

It’s almost nostalgic sitting at his little studio in his room. It seems like it’s been years since he’s been in here, since he’s worked on self-compositions, since he’s worked on the one song that will always connect them all back to each other and to the fans.

Reverently, Yixing brushes his fingers against the keys of his keyboard, a tiny smile appearing as the familiar melody plays out in his head, almost begging to be let out again.

Yixing pauses right before he starts, biting his lip as he feels something holding him back. Maybe it’s the thought that he might cry, maybe it’s the thought that he’s not strong enough to play it _without_ crying, but an even bigger part of him is telling him that right now, he needs to play this song.

One, two, three heartbeats and he starts, the opening chord almost deafeningly loud in his tiny room.

One, two, three chords later and Baekhyun’s opening note is supposed to come. Yixing can picture it in his head, he’s heard it so many times.

Baekhyun’s voice rings out loud and clear, much stronger than anything Yixing could produce in his head and he jumps when a hand settles on his shoulder.

There Baekhyun is, standing behind him with a smile, eyes scrunching up as a result. “Sorry.” He doesn’t sound very sorry at all. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I-It’s okay,” Yixing mutters. He had no idea that Baekhyun had followed him.

Baekhyun slides onto the chair next to him and there’s barely any room for Yixing, so it’s more than a tight fit for the both of them. Yixing doesn’t mind at all, comforted by the press of Baekhyun’s thigh against his, solid and warm and _there_.

“Want to start again? I’ll sing with you.” Baekhyun’s smile is so bright that it could probably power an entire city. Yixing’s too dumbfounded to do anything but nod, fingers hovering back to their positions almost as if pulled by a puppeteer’s strings.

Baekhyun places a hand over Yixing’s left before he presses down for the first note. Yixing doesn’t have to look to know that Baekhyun’s gazing at him softly. The warmth of Baekhyun’s hand leaves in the next second and Yixing has to take a deep breath before starting again, this time continuing when Baekhyun sings his opening note. Together, they sing, words twisting and twirling in a way that can’t be found anywhere else, Yixing’s fingers moving over the keyboard like it’s the only thing that they know how to play.

The bridge is where Yixing starts to feel tears prickle at his eyes, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t finish this song without his voice cracking. It’s almost like they’re in their own little world once the piano is the only sound left in the room, the last note tapering off gently at the end.

Baekhyun’s hand is back on his in an instant, a comforting touch that Yixing can always, _always_ find with Baekhyun.

Yixing has a role with most of the other members, roles that he keeps organized in his mind because they’re so ingrained in him. There are members that he comforts most of the time, and there are members that he knows he can go to if he needs to. Baekhyun, though, Baekhyun doesn’t fit into either. None of them really fit into such black and white categories, but Baekhyun might as well be vivid violet with how well he fits into Yixing’s organization.

Baekhyun’s easy, moldable, bendable to be whatever they need him to be before they’re even thinking about asking. He gets people in a way different from Jongdae, but yet similar at the same time. Baekhyun knows what Yixing needs and he knows what Jongin needs and he knows what Minseok needs – he _knows_ them on such a level that Yixing’s head spins with it.

And Baekhyun, he also needs. He’s breakable, scarred, vulnerable and he comes to Yixing when he needs to be put back together again. There is no give and take with them, just a bond that holds them together so tightly that they couldn’t even break apart if they tried, much less wanted to.

They’re two halves of a whole, trying to make everyone happy, relinquishing pieces of themselves in the process and they just work in a way that Yixing can’t compare to any other friendship he’s ever had.

It’s one thing to ask to be put back together, but it’s another thing entirely to have someone put you back together just from one look, one tremble, one flicker. Yixing doesn’t think he’ll ever understand how they reached this point, how they’re more than just puzzle pieces that fit together, but he’ll never, ever question it.

They must have been sitting there for at least twenty minutes, but neither Baekhyun nor Yixing say a word. Yixing’s lips twitch up when Baekhyun moves. Baekhyun can be quiet, but Yixing knows there’s a constant thrum of energy running through Baekhyun that he can’t stop. Yixing expects him to talk Yixing into a state of calm that only he can achieve, but nothing could have prepared him for Baekhyun whispering the words that he had texted on his own birthday to make _Yixing_ feel better for being late.

“Hyung, you must be really tired recently. It’s okay to be tired; you have to work hard. You chose this road, so we’ll all support you. I know that you’re tired, but please don’t give up, hyung, because you’re the best!”

And then quietly, so quietly that Yixing has to strain to hear it, “Let me be the one to take care of you this time, hyung.”

And Yixing lets him.

☆彡

Yixing loves his members, loves them in a way that only blooms from countless hours in the rehearsal room, from petty fights and sappy make-ups, from tired smiles and hopeful laughter. He’s tired, he’s wrung out, but at the end of the day, he knows they will always be there for him mentally, physically, from a hotel somewhere in Beijing or Qingdao or Guangzhou, a small smile on their face as they watch him perform or run around on a variety show. They’ll always be there and Yixing will always be grateful. 


End file.
